margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
