She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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