you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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