i was born a porn star she said
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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