Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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