I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
