Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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