I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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