It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
