I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
