Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize