I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
