My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I think a kid would responsible me up
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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