im drinking this country out of the recession.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
