If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
There r osticjed everywhere
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
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