i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Randomize
