I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
