Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
