dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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