Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
FUCK WHALES
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
