he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
