I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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