I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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