It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
