I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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