i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
