I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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