Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
