I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
pop tarts are not kleenex
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
