guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There's always time for handjobs
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
