I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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