no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
