is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
