You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
