Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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