i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
