Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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