Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
