I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
