We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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