Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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