is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
