I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
