She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
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We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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