Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
