we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
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A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
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If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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