The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
