I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
