mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
