He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
