we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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