I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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