It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
