I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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