ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
