My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
