Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize