i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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