Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
