im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
