a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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