Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
