she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
