when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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